Day 3-Your first love

You know, there were a few times before meeting Adam that I thought that I might be in love. As much in love as a 15 year old, then an 18 year old girl could be.

My freshman year of high school I met a boy who played football. I was in "love" and devestated when we broke up. Looking back, I can't help but laugh. Our love was displayed in notes passed in the hall between classes, and so was our break up.

The summer before my senior year, I met another boy. I thought he was "the one." He is the guy I lost my virginity to, the one I thought would be in my life forever.... and then he cheated on me with a 14 year old (he was 20) and was basically an ass.

Adam is the first man that I think I was really truely in love with. He was and still is the one person I can imagine having grandchildren with and growing old with. I am so very happy that I met him and get to spend the rest of my life with!

Day 2-Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

It's not very hard to figure out. There is a poem by Emily Dickinson, it goes like this :

Hope     

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

While trying to concieve, hope is a very hard thing to hang on to. Whether you're on your 2nd cycle or your 15th, 3 months in or 3 years in, hope can be elusive.

When you have trouble trying to concieve, it's harder. You ask, why me? You look around and suddenly everyone is pregnant, and you ask, why  not me? People complain about morning sickness, aches, pains and all the other uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy and you wish you could have that. You wish you were having u/s that showed more than an empty uterus and cyst-filled ovaries. You wish that you didn't have to take medications that made you feel sick all the time, that you were one of those blessed "fertile myrtles" who just look at a penis and get pregnant.

It's lonely. It's a very lonely experience to go through infertility. Infertility is taboo. I don't really understand why. If infertilty wasn't something that plagued a lot of women we would have advances like IVF.

So why this poem? No matter how much hope seems to elude you, it's there. Everytime you think your period might be late, or you have a phantom symptom, it's in your soul singing the same song, you just have to get all the shit out of  your head and listen to it. No matter how rough things are going, hope is always there.



Day 1-Introduce, Recent Picture, 15 Interesting Facts

Introduction:

My name is Bonita. I have been married for 2 1/2 years to Adam. We are currently expecting our first child in August! We have 3 furbabies, who we love and spoil as if they were our children: Nibbler, Laika and Izzy. We live in Baytown, in a house we bought about 1 1/2 years ago. I work as the manager over the Houston branch of a national e-discovery company and have been here since 2007.

Recent Picture:

Here's me today. All comfy in my Texas Hoodie

15 Interesting Facts:

1. My favorite colors (in order) are: Orange, Purple & Yellow

2. I love anything grape flavored
3. I'm the oldest of 4 kids
4. I play 5 different instruments: Cello, Viola, Violin, Harp and Piano
5. My first job was a lifegaurd at our neighborhood pool

6. I still love to swim

7. I'd much rather be too hot than even a little cold

8. Water is disgusting to me. It seriously does not taste good.

9. I believe in ghosts

10. I am the only one of my parent's children who seems to be in a stable and healthy relationship

11. I am so incredibly lucky sometimes

12. I'm a speed demon.

13. I have a pink star sapphire ring that my grandpa gave me when I turned 15.

14. I hate doing interviews, but it's part of my job

15. We're finding out the sex of the baby on 3/19!!

30 Day Blog Challenge

I stole this from Heather at No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed. I'm hoping that maybe doing something like this will actually get me in the habit of 1. Making this Blog about more than TTC and Baby Kazmir and 2. Actually posting :)

So here are the subjects:

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

No News is Good News

So far, everything seems to be going along smoothly.
I purchased a home doppler and love trying to find the baby's HB, and then getting super excited when I do!

My next Dr. appt isn't until Feb. 15th, but I can't wait for my next ultrasound. Then, at the end of this month, we're going on our cruise to Mexico! Super excited. I've already bought a fancy dress maternity style and a swim suit. :)

I have had my first official baby dream. I dreamt that I was taking our baby to get her ears pierced and wanted to use ice to numb them (Seen Grease too many time perhaps?). So maybe it's a girl. I can't wait to find out!
Hope everything is going well in your worlds.

9 Weeks!

We had an ultrasound yesterday at 9 weeks! Our baby is starting to look like a little human and not just a blob!

And I'm getting some good bloat going on

Everything seemed to go well at the u/s. It was much less personal than the one with the RE. I only got to look at the screen for 5 seconds to see the HB. The tech told us it was measuring at 180 beats/minute. Busy little heart! <3

When does it become real?

Right now, I am nearing the 9 week mark and I still keep worrying about everything.
I feel like we're going to go in Tuesday and they're going to say "Just kidding! You don't have a baby!"
Or even worse that there isn't a heartbeat or something I don't know.... UGH.
I am not a stresser (do you believe that? It really is true). I hate being stressed. Being stressed makes me feel physically ill. However, the pregnancy and the baby are are my mind 24/7.

I hope this is another weekend that goes by quickly!